5 School Gate Phrases That Harm Your Child

Why Do Goodbye Phrases Backfire?

Every morning across Brazil, parents rush through a handful of well-meaning phrases at the school gate — only to make things worse. Clinical psychologist Larissa Fonseca and pediatrician Loretta Campos explained to Crescer magazine exactly why these phrases hurt more than they help, and what to say instead.

Which 5 Phrases Should You Avoid?

1. "There's nothing to be afraid of"

This is the most common goodbye line — and one of the most damaging. The child hears two contradictory messages at once: that they feel fear, and that the fear is wrong. "It doesn't reassure, it invalidates," says Dr. Campos. The child starts doubting their own perception. Try instead: "Starting something new can feel scary. Little by little, that feeling will pass."

2. "It's going to be great"

Optimistic but risky. It's a promise parents can't keep. When reality doesn't match the promise, children learn that adult words aren't reliable — creating more insecurity, not less. Focus instead on what you can guarantee: "I'll be here to pick you up."

3. "If you cry, I'll stay"

This teaches the child that crying is a tool to prevent separation. Not through conscious manipulation, but because they learn that their reaction changes adult behavior. Over time, this reinforces distress rather than easing it.

4. "Don't be a baby" (or similar shame phrases)

Shaming a child into compliance teaches them to suppress emotions rather than process them. Psychologists warn this can lead to emotional difficulties later in life.

5. "I'll only be gone a minute"

When a minute becomes hours, trust breaks down. Children have a sharp sense of time and soon learn when they're being misled. Honest goodbyes — even short ones — build more security than false reassurances.

What Actually Works?

Both experts agree: name the feeling, don't erase it. Validate without making promises you can't keep. A confident, warm goodbye — even a brief one — signals to the child that separation is safe and temporary.